


Best Friends Each Secretly Think Of The Other As Sidekick

by laira348



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Other, Trans Maria Hill, are those not tags already, but don't try it at home, jumping from high places to avoid conversations about your love life is valid, nonbinary Natasha Romanov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-26 00:22:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15651954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laira348/pseuds/laira348
Summary: Maria's just a broke superhero with a crush on her sidekick and a roommate from hell. Little does she know those two are the same person.





	Best Friends Each Secretly Think Of The Other As Sidekick

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to the blackhill group chat for plant advice and Maria's superhero name. I can really count on you guys to help me with whatever dumb question I have. Thanks.  
> The title is from an Onion headline.

“This one. This is my favorite roof.”

Maria looked up. Black Widow was leaning over the ledge with a smile. They were on a recon, on a top of a pretty high buillding. It had a pretty good vantage point of the company that belonged to someone they were almost positive was actually the villain of the week.

“You’ve thought about it enough to have a favorite one?”

Standing on the top of a scyscraper is not for many people, even superheroes. But Maria was not called The Raven for nothing. And Widow had a disregard for their safety.

“Of course! We always end up on roofs eventually. It’s kinda our thing, you know?”

Maria smiled and shook her head. “And why is this one the best?”

“Well it’s big, empty, cozy and the view is amazing!”

Yes it is, Maria thought as she watched Widow.

“Not to mention the office has a lot of juicy gossip. Did you know that Jim is cheating on his wife with Amanda from HR?”

“No!” Maria gasped. She had no idea who the people were.

“Yeah,” they nodded excitedly. “And Luca is blackmailing him. I think he has a crush on Amanda. Or Jim. Or both.”

“Figured you’d be excited about blackmail.”

Widow rolled their eyes fondly. “Fuck off, Raven.”

*

As far as nightmare roommate stories go, Maria’s was pretty mundane. Her roommate never tried to murder her, didn’t steal anything from her and wasn’t transphobic. Nat could be described as a good roommate; if you set the bar ridiculously low. But there is more to living together than that.

First of all, Nat was the messiest person Maria knew. They never did the dishes or took out the trash. Their cat, though very cute, was also a no pet rule violating hellspawn. They came home at odd times and watched stupid reality shows with the tv on too loud and couldn’t even cook ramen and stole Maria’s food and put way too much mayo on it and laughed at their own jokes.

Really, this whole situation wouldn’t be happening if Maria had a normal job in the first place, but no. She had to become a fucking superhero. A broke superhero with a barista part-time job that did not pay enough considering how much bullshit she had to deal with. But the superhero gig didn’t pay at all, other than the occasional free food from grateful citizens.

So the terrible roommate stayed.  
*  
Seeing her bedroom door open when she came home threw Maria off. She always closed it, lest Liho wants to get in. She entered the apartment warily and cursed as soon as she saw it. Her cilantro was no longer on it’s proud position on her desk. No, now it was the floor, amids the dirt and pot shards, beyond any salvation. Liho was sitting on her bed, licking her paw and looking like the picture of innocence.

"Nat!" she screamed. No response came. Liho continued to groom herself like nothing in the world could phase her.

On Maria’s desk, which once held a beautiful plant that survived even Maria’s forgetfulness when it came to getting it water, was a note.

"Maria," the note read, in Natasha’s barely legible handwriting. "I had to leave for an emergency. Could you please take care of Liho while I’m gone? I should be back in a few days. I owe you, Nat"

"Godfuckingdamnit."

Maria took her phone out of her pocket and dialed Nat’s number. The phone rang several ominous times before it fell into the voicemail.

"You’ve reached the voicemail of Nat Romanoff," Nat’s false cheery voice greeted her. "How did you get this number? Why do you think I want to talk to you? Please remember not to leave a message after the tone, unless you want to really regret it."

"Fuck you, Romanoff," Maria said and hanged up.

*

"I want you to know," Maria stated as she poured the cat food into Liho’s bowl two days later, "that I’m only feeding you because as a superior creature I am above such petty thing as revenge."

"Mrow," Liho replied.

"Plant killer," Maria muttered pettily.

As much as she wished she could just go and punch someone to deal with her anger, being a superhero-slash-vigilante took a lot of work outside of that. And since Widow was currently taking care of some russian assholes back from her past and so far has not requested back up, Maria had no one to punch. Just hours of grainy camera footage to sort through.

If you’ve never had to watch a shitty security feed your sidekick hacked for you you could never phatom just how mind-bogingly boring it is. It was one of the worst things on earth. It was better than thinking about how she deffinitely had no crush on said sidekick. Maria would have made herself some coffee except Nat drank the last of it and didn’t bother buying more. So she stole Nat’s strawberry and banana protein drink, which’s taste could only be described as gay and not as bad as she thought it would be. Incidentaly, that was also how she would describe her life, if it wasn’t for the stupid footage and her coffee-stealing, leaving-without-a-notice, thinks-i’m-a-free-catsitter roommate.

So, without her caffeine, it wasn’t very surprising when she woke up on the couch around sunrise without getting any work done. What was suprising was the blanket she was tucked in.

"You were a good kitty, weren’t you?" Natasha cooed to Liho as she headbutted them.

"She killed Planty," Maria grumbled.

"You named your plant?“ Nat asked, unbelieving. “You named your plant Planty?”

Maria drew the blanket over her head.

*

Maria was already having a pretty shitty day when the newest supervillain showed up at her work. Her back hurt from sleeping on the couch. Her morning rutine was disrupted by the sudden realization that there was no plant for her to water. And she spent nearly twenty minutes having to listen to some transphobe, who apparently did not notice she’s trans despite the fact her shirt literally had the trans flag on it, ranting about the fact that the coffeeshop employees had pronouns on their nametags. She had to smile politely and hand people their drinks instead of giving the guys some explanations. Preferably with her fists.

So when a part of their outer wall caved in under the force of a superhero being thrown at it all she said was "Oh, for fuck’s sake," and instructed the customers to hide behind the counter.

"Hey," Black Widow directed their charming smile at Maria, even though they were lying on the ground they were thrown down on. "Could I get a caramel frappe with extra whip and one double espresso, please?"

Hawkeye came flying through the window that was until then miraculously untouched.

Widow winced. "Make that two double espressos."

Maria sighed the deepest of her sighs. There was no chance she could get away long enough to change into her suit. Eh, Widow and Hawkeye can take on a superpowered asshole between the two of them. And if not, they can call Captain America or something. She was there just to make coffees. "Anyone want a refill while I’m at it?" she asked the hiding customers. One shaking hand was raised.

There was a moment, while Hawkeye was firing all his special arrows with his newfound espresso energy, when Widow called her number and Maria started sweating behind the knees. She has worked very hard to conceal her identity. Luckily her burner phone was on silent and no one noticed her quickly declining the call.

So she made coffees, calmed down distressed civilians who acted like they’ve never seen a bad guy wipe the floor with a couple of superheroes - amateurs - and resisted the urge to leave a heart on Widow’s to go cup.

All in all it was just a typical shitty Thursday.

The only thing that made her feel a little better was that when she got home she found a venus fly trap on her table. There was a note that said: "This is Snappy aka Maria without her morning coffee. I’m sorry I killed your plant, Liho".

The name was admitedly a bit better than what Maria would give it (Planty the second). And it was rather nice of, uh, Liho, to get her a new plant.

*

Maria and Widow were standing on their favorite stake out roof, waiting for the right moment to strike. The tapes bore fruit in the end.

“Sorry about ignoring your call the other day, I was at work,” Maria said casually. “But I heard you managed?”

Widow shrugged. “Yeah, Hawkeye helped a little. He’s in the hospital again.”

“I’ll send him a get well soon card. Everything went alright on your tragic-backstory mission?”

“Yeah,” they nodded. “As well as it could.” They stayed silent for a moment before they spoke again. “Are you okay? You look a little down.”

"Yeah, sure. I’m just having a shitty week, that’s all. My job and my roommate sucks."

“Oh, that sounds unpleasant. I’ve been pretty lucky in the roommate department. My roommate’s amazing.”

Don’t get jealous, don’t get jealous.

“That must be nice,” Maria said, hoping her voice sounded even.

“We should probably get moving,” Widow beconed her. “Come on, sidekick.”

“Huh? Oh, no, no, no. If anyone is a sidekick here it’s you.”

Widow put their hand on their chest in outrage. Maria was pretry sure they were just being dramatic and not actually offended.

“Me? Sidekick? I’ll have you know I am the world’s greatest spy.”

“I’ve literally heard you sing ‘don’t be suspicious’ on a mission before.”

“I have an airtight secret identity.”

“So do I. So does Hawkeye. So could a dedicated duck. You’re not that special.”

“I am an amazing hacker.”

“That’s a bit of a sidekick skill, isn’t it?”

“Death omen,” Widow muttered like the petty asshole they were.

“If I am the death omen, you are the death.”

“Well,” Widow grinned like a shark. “I’m going to take that as the compliment it clearly is. But now we should really get going.”

*

“Raven!” Hawkeye called. He was on the stairs to the roof Maria was sitting on, thankfully in her superhero costume.

“Shouldn’t you still be in a hospital?”

“Nah, I’m fine.” He waved his hand dismissively. “Nothing coffee and pizza can’t solve. Do you wanna make a team of bird-named heroes?”

“What?”

“He’s high on painmeds!” the other Hawkeye called from somewhere.

“You know, you, me, the other Hawkeye, Mockingbird, Falcon, Robin if we ever get the rights for a crossover.”

“Isn’t Mockingbird your ex?”

“Eh, kinda,” he shrugged. “You in?”

“I couldn’t keep working with Widow if I joined your team.”

“Jeez, you and your crush. Fine, we could be birds and spiders, I’m sure Spider-Man would be down.”

“I don’t have a crush.”

“Yeah, and I have a building I’d like to sell you. Actually, I do have a building, but I’m not really interested in selling, you know, with all the-“

“Can it, I’m broke anyway.”

The younger Hawkeye peeked out from the stairwell. “What he’s so eloquently saying is that you should just bone Widow.”

“BONE?!?!?!” Maria yelled.

“Quoting Nine-Nine won’t save you from this conversation, Raven. Just ask them out.”

“Fuck off,” she said and jumped off the roof.

Maria couldn’t fly; not really. But her suit was equiped with a glider and she was equiped with the ability not to get hurt when she falls off of things. Her power was a bit of a mystery. She’s not less vulnerable to any other type of injury, but falling – or jumping – never harmed her.

She landed on the ground, humming the chorus from Breaking Free. She was glad she got away from the awkward conversation, but her mind kept going back to it anyway. Maybe Hawkeye’s pain-killer induced mood was contaigous, but for the first time, Maria felt like she could do something about her crush.

She can do it. She can ask them out. She will be brave and maybe it will even work! And even if it won’t, she will be glad that she took a shot and put herself out there.

*

She is never opening up to anyone ever again. Whoever said that the things you’ll regret the most are the things you never tried was obviously an idiot that never got rejected by a pretty enby.

Widow was nice if rather awkward about it, said how flattered they were and how Raven was such a great person and anyone would be lucky blah blah blah but that they liked someone else. Maria wished the ground would swallow her the entire time.

She thought to herself that she is a big girl that can deal with rejection like a fucking adult and won’t cry and then proceeded to cry into a barrel of ice cream like this was a bad romantic comedy, except gayer. She was just lucky that Nat was wherever the hell they went when they weren’t home and didn’t take her last remaining shreds of dignity away.

*

When Nat came home at 2 am. Maria was sitting on the couch, eating doritos and watching 10 Things I Hate About You. Again. There was nothing new about that scenario, since most of Maria’s non-work-non-superhero time seemed to be spent like this lately – although the movie was not always the same. The new variable here was Nat's look.

They were wearing tight pants and a fashionable blouse. An awful blonde wig was sitting on their head, insulting the rest of the outfit. Maria has never seen Nat in anything other than oversized hoodies and sweatpants, so this was quite the glow up. The tight pants suited them. Their ass, especially, looked very good. And familiar. Wait-

"I know that ass," she whispered and then said, louder, as her conviction grew. "You’re the Black Widow!"

"What?!” Nat – Black Widow squeaked. They looked like they got caught with their hand in the cookie jar. Maria knew, because she found them stealing her cookies once. “No! Why wou-why would you think that?" Nat stammered. So much for a briliant spy.

"Your ass," Maria answered, not bothering to conceal anything. Dignity is overrated anyway. Or atleast that’s what she tells herself when life gets tough and her best friend turns out to be her shitty room-fucking-mate.

"How the hell would you-" They froze and their eyes widened. Then they spoke with complete certainty. "You’re the Raven."

"How-"

"That’s the only person who stares at my ass enough to recognize me by it."

"I do no such thing," Maria lied.

"You literary just figured out my secret identity because you were staring at my ass, any further argument you make is clearly invalid.”

Maria was just starting to realize that the superhero who rejected her a couple weeks ago was the same person as the roommate who just caught her oggling them and suddenly wished for divine intervention, the end of the world, or anything that would put her out of her misery, really.

As it was all she had were doritos and a romcom. “Do you wanna watch a movie about a huge liar with me?”

Nat sat down next to her. “Sure, why not. But, I mean, he’s not the only one with secrets, right? And he still gets the girl in the end.”

She nugded the bag towards them, because she knew they would steal her snacks anyway. She didn’t know what else to do with herself. “It’s based on Shakespeare. Your options are that or everyone dies.”

“And you’d prefer the deaths?” Nat asked teasingly.

“Right now? Yeah, I would.”

They laughed. “Same. But shouldn’t we be glad? Once the awkwardness wears off, at least. Living together can be an advantage for us. As will not having to hide from another. And, while I’m now realizing you actually hate my guts, the fact that my crush actually told me she has a crush on me is kinda exciting.”

Maria choke on her dorito.

*

“Oh, look,” villain of the week sneered. “It’s Evermore and her sidekick.”

Maria smirked. “We’re partners, actually.”

“Hawkeye’s the sidekick,” Nat added before they kicked the villain off the roof.  
*  
Bonus: Nat’s and Maria’s first meeting

"Nice to meet you. I’m Maria Hill."

"Hi Maria, I’m gay." They put their head in their hands. Just their luck. "I mean. I’m Nat."


End file.
